Glove
by footshooter
Summary: Got inspired to write this from DCU. Just a bit of crack around what would happen if Batman started to play the Joker at his own games. T coz I probs swore a bit.


The Joker was pacing, surrounded by henchmen and hostages. He didn't quite know which were more wary of him. Some of the hostages were crying behind their gags. It was very annoying. He had been resisting the urge to slit one woman's throat since he'd arrived in the building, and that was hours ago. And he was beginning to get on edge. Which was putting the henchmen on edge. Because Batsy should have turned up by now, and he _hadn't_.

And they knew from the one time it had happened that if Batman didn't turn up when the Joker wanted him to that bad things had happened. And by bad things they mean killing all of the hostages, burning down the building, waiting around for the cops and killing them and then killing the henchmen that didn't get out of the way quick enough.

Batman had gotten his own back when he reappeared though. The Joker staggered home one night bleeding profusely from the head, broken nose, broken ribs and delirious from the joy of it all. Harley had fixed him up and he'd let her, but when he woke up she was waiting with a plan to revenge-kill the Batman. One of the henchmen vividly remembered having to fix _her_ up after that. And there were plenty of confused tears to go with the bandages.

Either way, the henchmen were skulking towards the exit because if Batman was coming, he'd have come by now, and the Joker had started to flick his knives around.

After a particularly loud snivel, the Joker growled and pressed a detonator, and a building to the left of them exploded. Muffled screams could be heard, and the henchmen left the building. They'd pay for it later, but if they returned when he was in a good mood they'd probably be okay.

The Joker picked the snivelling woman up by the front of her jacket and slammed her against the wall, pulling the gag down and forcing a knife into her mouth. She tried to turn her face away, but the sobs stopped. A hush fell through the rest of the hostages.

"Oh _now_ you're quiet? Ya know, I've been stuck listening to _this_ for the last couple of hours and it's really startin' to _grate_. So how about I tell you a story? Set you at ease? Would that make you feel better?"

The woman stared at him, wide eyed, and said nothing. He cocked his head, indicating he wanted an answer, and her eyes flickered behind him. He tensed as a figure emerged from out of the shadows.

"Let her go," Batman growled, and the Joker's face lit up, teeth bared in a menacing grin.

"I've heard that one before," he said, but threw the woman aside nonetheless, where she landed on her front, face first, and shuffled as far away as she could.

The Joker stared at Batman.

"Pleasure to see you. Thought you weren't coming."  
"I have other things to do."  
"Yeah, yeah. Sure ya do."  
"I'm not at your beck and call."  
"Yet I set one little trap and ya come runnin', baby. See, that's one of the things I love about ya. _Denial_."  
"I'm not in denial. You're just crazy."  
"This _again_?"

The Joker sighed, putting his hand to his head and coming away covered in grease paint. He wiped it on Batman's suit.

"You _know_ I'm not crazy just as much as you know we're destined to do this."

Batman rolled his eyes, as the Joker took a step back.

"Anyway, wanna know what I'm doing?"  
"I'm sure you'll tell me even if I don't."

The Joker laughed.

"Ah, see! You _do_ know me. Well…"  
"Joker."  
"I figured I'd get together some of the more, ah, wealthy citizens of this shithole of a city. And everyone hates bankers, right? So if you turned up I was gonna…"  
"Joker."  
"No, wait, you'll love this. It's a killer."  
"Joker."

The Joker sighed and narrowed his eyes, looking up at Batman.

"You can't just give a guy his moment, can ya? Geez, I go through all this trouble to set up a trap for ya and you can't even be bothered to listen to me! I dunno why I bother anymore. Half the time ya don't turn up, when you do, you're distracted. I mean, I might as well just _kill_ people and give you no warning for all the good it does."

He sighed, and opened his mouth to begin speaking again, and as he did Batman pressed a button on his suit and his glove sprung out and punched the Joker in the face, returning back to the suit covered in white.

The Joker stood, and stared, and put his hand to his once-again-bleeding nose, and blinked a couple of times. And then burst out laughing. And continued laughing for quite a long time.

While he did, Batman let out the smirk he'd been holding back. Once the Joker looked at him, he'd returned back to his usual frown.

"Oh man, that was a _scream_. I didn't think you had it in ya, Batsy. Credit where credit's due. I'm impressed."  
"You'll let them go?"  
"I actually – haha – I'm just lost for _words_."  
"You're not doing a good impression of it."  
"Man, I lose all hope on me and you and then ya pull somethin' like this out the bag. Suit. Batsuit. Aw, man, this is crazy."  
"_Let them go!"_

The Joker sighed, and then shook his head and held up his hands.

"Sure, sure. Do whatya like. I can't follow that. Not tonight, anyway. I need to go back to the drawin' board on that one."

The Joker burst into hysterical laughter again, and Batman shook his head before going to release the hostages, who thanked him just enough before casting wary looks at the Joker and running off.

Batman walked up behind the Joker and placed a hand on his shoulder.

"Back to Arkham."

The Joker squeezed his hand and a plume of smoke released from the canister hidden up his sleeve. The Joker smirked as Batman collapsed.

"Yeah, good luck with that one. The glove on a stick isn't _that _good of a trick."

He rolled his eyes, and left the building, leaving Batman lying on the floor.


End file.
